Silent Submission

This morning, I sat on our screened-in back porch with my coffee, Bible, and hymnal for about an hour, reading, thinking, and praying. I have been reading slowly through the Psalms this year, and today I came to Psalm 62. In verses 5-8, David writes this:

My soul, wait silently for God alone;
For my expectation is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be moved.
In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.

My heart needed to read this. Life has been a struggle lately. I have never experienced homesickness until now, and it is hard. I had never lived away from my family until I got married and moved here to Kentucky. I honestly didn't think I would get this way. I was completely unprepared for it. I feel very discontent with Kentucky and long to be back in Nashville with my family and my church. My spiritual health has been failing for a while now, and I have wanted to blame that on the fact that we have not really found a church here yet to be a part of. But after reading this Psalm, the Lord has shown me that I am no longer looking to Him for strength. I have turned my eyes from Him to myself and my circumstances. My soul is not waiting in silent submission to His perfect will. I have forgotten that He is a rock and refuge for my weary soul in these times of difficulty. I have failed to trust His faithfulness and sovereignty at all times. And I have stopped pouring out my heart to Him in prayer. So, this morning, I prayed through these verses of Scripture. I confessed my sin of unbelief and distrust in the Lord and begged Him to give me grace to trust Him. I know in my heart that Matthew and I are here in Louisville for a specific time and purpose. But I have stopped believing that. I have become discontent with Christ and have forgotten that He is sufficient. I must daily preach to my soul, as David did, and say to it, "Soul, wait silently for God. He is working all things for the good of His people who love Him. Do not turn your eyes from Him. Do not stop clinging to Him, because He is your strength and your refuge. And He is ever faithful. He gave you His only Son to be the sacrifice for your many sins...will He withhold any good ting from you, soul?"

I know that my struggle with discontentment is not over because Christ has not returned yet to remove sin from the earth. Only when that happens will I be completely free from this. But, as Job once said, "I know that my Redeemer lives..." (Job 19:25) He does live, indeed, and He will never leave me nor forsake me. So I can be content. I can wait patiently. I can rest assured that God is going to use this time in my life for my good and, most importantly, for His glory and the glory of His Son, Jesus Christ. And this, I also know:

What'er my God ordains is right;
Holy His will abideth.
I will be still what'er He doth,
And follow where He guideth:
He is my God;
Though dark my road,
He hold me that I shall not fall:
Wherefore to Him I leave it all.
--Samuel Rodigast, 1649-1708